Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
