Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
