I'm going to jail i love you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
