I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
