Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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