you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
