Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
