I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm always down for nudity.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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