She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you would pick up someone in the library
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
