Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
