Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
