I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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