dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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