is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
