I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
