i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
