The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
