I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
