she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
