Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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