my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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