She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
