I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
