Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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