as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think my mom watched the whole time
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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