so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
