Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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