This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
