i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
