I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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