At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
