I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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