just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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