Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
