I am puke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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