he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
