Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
