does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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