K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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