Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
