just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
