Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
