Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
