i permit you to call me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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