Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
