Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
now i know why i became what i already was.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
