Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
