watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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