You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
