I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
